Putting the ‘DEAD’ in Trade Deadline
7:00am – Wake up to the sound of my alarm for NHL Trade Deadline day. 1 hour until TradeCentre starts on TSN; 8 hours until the deadline.
7:17am – Fully out of bed and making tea for the morning stretch. Really starting to wonder if this is worth it.
7:30am – My dad gets home from driving my mom to work and heads to the exercise bike. I double check the time and see that he’s serious.
7:39am – The TSN Morning Loop is showing trade talk. Really? Looks like it’s Score in the Morning until the deadline show starts.
7:56am – SportsCentre’s Worst Play of the Day: A Liverpool player missing everything on a penalty kick. I prefer my Worst Play of the Day to be funnier, like Steve Nash beaning someone in the head with a basketball. Also, finished Pawnee: The Greatest Town in America. If things get boring, now I have nothing to read.
8:00am – 7 hours until the deadline. TSN and SportsNet both start up their coverage. Since I hate Kypreos, looks like I’m watching TSN.
8:11am – My friend Sean tells me about a rumoured Brown for Schenn & Frattin. We then shift the conversation to how Blue Jays GM Alex Anthopoulos should be the King of Toronto. Not just Toronto sports. ALL of Toronto.
8:18am – James Duthie admits that nothing happens until the late morning or early afternoon. Thanks for telling me that in the promos, TSN.
8:32am – My dad is finally off of the exercise bike. 23 miles in 61 minutes. Not bad at all. At about this time, Duthie unveils his sound board. They really have nothing to talk about right now.
8:44am – Starting in on the detailed analysis of all of the Canadian teams, leading with the Leafs. More Schenn trade talk and what they need. Pierre McGuire reiterates that they need a No. 1 Centre. Seeing him in this limited quantity makes me miss the guy.
8:57am – First appearance of Jay Onrait. He’s wearing a James Duthie t-shirt, with the promise of more to come. He says his blog is obsolete now that TSN streams TradeCentre online. Dan O’Toole shows up in Onrait’s place, poking through his fridge.
9:05am – First mention of Bob McKenzie’s success at Roll Up the Rim. He’s now 4/7 he claims. This might be the most interesting part of the show so far.
9:09am – Why does the phrase “Trade Bait” make me feel like I’m watching something illegal?
9:11am – Wait, wasn’t Spacek already traded this season? Wasn’t he the return in the Kaberle to Montreal trade?
9:14am – John Lu brags about being the first crew to change location during the show since he is following the Canadiens. Really starting to wonder if this was worth it.
9:15am – The panel is starting on their Pierre Gauthier bashing and I love every second of it. Habs are in last place in the Eastern Conference today. ‘Tis a fine day after all.
9:26am – Blue Jackets being good sports with the trade deadline after someone asks if the cannon is on the trade block. “The cannon is untouchable in trade talks,” reads the tweet.
9:30am – No Dave Hodge. Apparently he is sick. This makes me very sad as he never takes this day seriously. Duthie even mentions it, then plays his “We Got Nothin’” jingle. At least they’re having fun with it.
9:35am – Duthie throws to the Trade Breakers to see if they have anything. Gord Miller just laughs. It pierces my soul.
9:51am – Onrait now has a McKenzie t-shirt while seeing that he is out of peanut butter. Pan to O’Toole with a mountain of peanut butter between two pieces of bread. Good stuff.
10:03am – Please, stop saying Trade Bait.
10:10am – Duthie just said first trade happened at around 10:40am last year. By last year’s logic, half an hour to kill.
10:27am – They are really running out of things to talk about. “Winners and Losers of last year’s deadline” is the feature right now.
10:45am – First official trade! Andrei Kostitsyn to Nashville for 2013 2nd Round Pick and the conditional pick from the Hal Gill trade. Finally! Something else to talk about… even though they beat it to death when it was unconfirmed.
11:26am – About 3.5 hours left until the Trade Deadline. Still just one trade so far.
12:04pm – 3 hours until the deadline. Made myself some English Muffin pizzas. I didn’t bother turning on the TV upstairs. Now a Pierre LeBrun t-shirt on Onrait. Checking to see if anything happened. [pause] Yup. Nothing happened.
12:09pm – Burkie speaking with TSN now. Nothing apparently going in Maple Leaf camp. Two hard, loud “No”s from the Leafs GM.
12:27pm – Steve Thomas montage. I kid you not.
12:47pm – Second deal of the day: Mike Commodore of the Red Wings to the Lightning for a conditional 7th Round pick. Is this what we have been reduced to today?
12:57pm – Third trade: Tom Gilbert of the Oilers traded to the Wild for Nick Schultz
1:07pm – TSN’s graphic shows two trades in the last 20 minutes. Things are picking up!
1:09pm – Oooooo. Controversy around how the Gilbert/Schultz deal came out. Business just picked up.
1:37pm – What?! Aulie was traded?! No!
1:51pm – I liked it better when Burke was saying nothing is happening and we still had Keith Aulie.
1:56pm – Another trade done. More depth for depth. Daniel Winnik & T.J. Galiardi to San Jose. Jamie McGinn and a couple of prospects to the Avs.
2:00pm – Tampa acquires Brian Lee from Ottawa. That’s 3 defensemen to Tampa today.
2:03pm – Sami Pahlsson to Vancouver? That’s a deal that I like. Especially for two fourth round picks.
2:07pm – Oduya to the Blackhawks. Maybe that will help out Crawford’s stats in net and raise my fantasy hopes a bit. Please?
2:30pm – Last half an hour until the deadline. I don’t think anything else is going to happen, but I can’t look away. I’ve already invested so much time that it wouldn’t be fair to me to leave.
3:00pm – And the deadline is passed, with Rolston going to Boston and Gaustad going to Nashville in the final seconds. Is anything else going to roll in? My guess is no.
3:17pm – Analysts explaining why GMs didn’t make any trades. Duthie said that the “real” trade deadline now is at the NHL Entry Draft. Conclusion: I just wasted an entire afternoon.
3:30pm – Alright, I give up. The worst part is I’ll probably do this voluntarily again next year.
